Cookies World of Lol

  From Wanda

A crontab, an fstab, gettytab and a hosts file walk into a bar. 'What'll it be?' asks the bartender. "I'll have something later," the crontab says. The fstab ignores him and hits the dance floor, looking for someone it can mount. "Just a beer," the gettytab says, "but this is the last one. You could say… it's my _terminal_ beer." The hosts file rolls his its at the bad pun, but doesn't order a drink. It just realized that it's got the wrong address… From Bruce

  Phase 1    You are listening to jazz --  Your first day at  work is great.  Your co-workers are wonderful, your office is  cute,  you love your boss, and your administrative director is the  best! Phase 2 You are listening to pop music --  After a while  you are  so busy that you are not sure if you're coming or going  anymore.   Phase 3 You are listening to heavy metal --  This is  what happens after about SIX Months! 

Because I care about you, I want you to get healthy and be around longer! So here is a brief Medical Test Look into this cat's eyes for 5 seconds    Now look into this Labrador puppy’s eyes for 5 seconds   Scroll Down                                                                       Your CAT SCAN and LAB TESTS are now Complete. ...have a GREAT Day!!! Life is short! Forgive quickly! Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably And never regret anything that made you smile!

From Kath

From Mike W Power Cut We had a power cut last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, it was raining so I couldn't play golf so I had to talk to my wife for a few hours. She seems like a nice person.

From Kath

Subject: Passport Application Dear Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government? How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money...

From  http://forum.bodybuilding.com  sent to me by Bruce Don't even ****ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.   I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ****.   The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ****ing tell you...   Except in tiny print you cant read without a ****ing electron microscope   ...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."   Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.   So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alon...

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BANNED FOR LIFE FROM DISNEYLAND this has got to be one of the funniest things going around the Computer.......wonder where they got the NERVE? MOTHER AND DAUGHTER BANNED FOR LIFE FROM DISNEYLAND YEP - Those Are their real boobs!

See also the comments of flight attendants and crew listed below.    Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously. Check out their new livery!             WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERNATIONALLY - WE SHOULD SUPPORT THEM IF ONLY FOR THEIR HUMOUR - SO TYPICALLY SOUTH AFRICAN.     Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: --------------------------------------------------------------------                   On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where                   you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a                   flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out                   furniture here, find a seat and ...

1) Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing the following transmission. Many Sydney folks "did" hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. 2) Apparently, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match" whereby the DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. 3) The person being interviewd is first asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner subsequently answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. 4) One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:- DJ: "Hey! This is Ed on FOX-F...

Computer Question: Now here is a challenge! For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts... Try this! So, you think you're so smart. Let's see how computer literate you are ... *WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO APPEAR ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN?   123490=\qweriop[  asdhjkl (zxcvnm GIVE UP? SEE THE ANSWER IN THE BELOW!

From Kath

From Kath

Just goes to show how differently men and women look at things... HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behaviour; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surpri...

How to Recognize a Gay Terrorist His name is: YOMAMA  BIN SHOPPIN