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"Gazza" - An Airline With a Sense of Humour

See also the comments of flight attendants and crew listed below.

Kulula is a low-cost South-African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Check out their new livery!

  Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg. Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:


                  On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where

                  you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a

                  flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out

                  furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"


                  On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot

                  said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be

                  turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance

                  the appearance of your flight attendants."


                  On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your

                  belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's

                  something we'd like to have."


                  "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out

                  of this airplane."


                  "Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business

                  as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."


                  As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone

                  voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"


                  After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a

                  flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening

                  the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as

                  hell everything has shifted."


                  From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth.

                  To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and

                  pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't

                  know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public



                  "In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend

                  from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your

                  face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask

                  before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one

                  small child, pick your favourite."


                  Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but

                  we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember,

                  nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."


                  "Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an

                  emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our



                  "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.

                  Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight

                  attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."


                  And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is

                  pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in

                  the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"


                  Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The

                  flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump

                  and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the

                  airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight

                  attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."


                  Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and

                  bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight

                  it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies

                  and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats

                  with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our

                  airplane to the gate!"


                  Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing:

                  "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to

                  the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard.
The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline.
He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
  Finally everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
                  "Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"


                  After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on

                  with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain

                  Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt

                  against the gate. And, once the tyre smoke has cleared and the warning

                  bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way

                  through the wreckage to the terminal.."


                  Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank

                  you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the

                  insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal

                  tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."


                  Heard on a Kulula flight. "Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke,

                  the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light

                  'em, you can smoke 'em."


                  A plane was taking off from Durban Airport. After it reached a

                  comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the

                  intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking.

                  Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from Durban to Cape Town, The

                  weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and

                  uneventful flight.. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOODNESS!" Silence

                  followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom

                  and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier.

                  While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a

                  cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A

                  passenger then yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of

From Kath


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