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Showing posts from 2011

A solution to every problem in 2011"

Here are some of the solutions to most of the problems you might come across. No spoon? No problem-o! Gotta feed the baby AND do the laundry? No problem-o! Wiper motor burned out? No problem-o! Can't afford a real GPS? No problem-o! Can't read the ATM screen? No problem-o! Electric stove broken & can't heat coffee? No problem-o! New TV too big for the old cabinet? No problem-o! No ice chest? No problem-o! Bookshelf cracking under the weight? No problem-o! Seatbelt broken? No problem-o! Car stereo stolen? No problem-o! Satellite go out in the rain? No problem-o! No skate park in town? No problem-o! No bottle opener? No problem-o! Fuse burnt out? No problem-o! Cables falling behind the desk? No problem-o! Exhaust pipe dragging? No problem-o! AND THE BEST ONE..... Out of
Subject: Passport Application Dear Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am at a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government? How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money


From  sent to me by Bruce Don't even ****ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat.   I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ****.   The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ****ing tell you...   Except in tiny print you cant read without a ****ing electron microscope that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease."   Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding.   So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alon

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